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May 21 Third Camp.
- Uni is great, if not somewhat disorienting. Aside from the obvious differences (the throwing off of the constraints of high school, the lawn-chilling), what excites me most is (at least in Arts) honing your critical edge simply requires you to read as much and as widely as possible, and in all the areas that take your fancy. This appeared to me an enthralling and comforting thought, that my course would lend itself to an understanding of the greater world, rather than the acquisition of a repertoire of specialised skills. This leads to the other side of the coin, however; uni has brought to me a whole range of new fears and anxieties as well. Managing an array of friends to fit in with my time is not looking easy. Who I actually want to be friends with is harder still. As far as academic work goes, it's all well and good that an Arts degree will rely on some participation and observation of culture, but my greatest fear is what, during my traversal of the course, I'll leave behind. I already reckon I've lost a hefty amount of literary vocabulary, a lot of it having atrophied over lack of use; it doesn't pay to be eloquent if you don't want people to resent you. I can sacrifice smart for cool- at least, I can be a different person when I'm alone. But different identities are like managing a pack of dogs.
- Do we fall in love with someone's personality or their sexuality? I know a person who is in a relationship with someone of the same sex- that partner had been married and had a kid. What about a person who is attracted to the same sex but still wants (genuinely, irrespective of outside influence) to be in a loving relationship with someone of the opposite sex exclusively? Is it because while they are sexually compatible with the same sex, they may be more capable of a long term relationship with the opposite sex? Could this work the other way round?
Not that I pretend to have all the answers, but personality has to play some role in who we fall in love with. What I don't know is how sexuality intersects with this. Think of a functioning, organised married couple ten, fifteen years after they were wed. If they're still happy to see each other when they come home from work each day, if they still sit in front of the TV with their kids, can they have forgotten about when they were rampantly hungry for each other more than fifeen years before? Or do they still need to want to have sex for the marriage to last the years?
- I tell you what, I can try to deny it, but I fucking love games. Books and stories rivet me, movies engross me, music entertains me, but games transport me. I just got a 360, I've been playing Assassin's Creed- it's brilliant. Its another one of the games I might consider adding (but it'll have to work hard) to the list of the games that I can honestly say have shaped the way I am: Metroid, Zelda, Morrowind, Donkey Kong, Resident Evil, Alice, Secret of Mana, Illusion of Time. Games can reach majestic heights of narrative brilliance, create completely immersive spaces and concepts, and provide truly vast opportunities for the individual and the collective to explore and have fun. I don't think games are a corruptive media form, I don't think they foster moral decay. I think they're art, with all the new-millenial potential as hypertext and viral video. So go play.
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